I am not the everyday. I battle lately the back and forth. Why am I not married, career, kids, and in a safe community of fun life? And WHERE is my career, man, kids, in LA?
I think sometimes when the "us"... the creative us.... sometimes we connect with life and empathy and worry and guilt and anger and love more than the average bear. We have lots of restless nights and internal dialogue and no regrets and this is WHY MY LIFE IS WHERE IT IS BECAUSE I LIVE WITH NO REGRETS (** That isn't a 'good' life statement by the way.)
I go back and forth... loving and confident thriving glory of comfortable in my creative yet struggling actor skin and the awkward complete paralysis of "Fuck I'm getting older and I'm poor and creative and no one see's it and will they ever and will they care and is this how the rest of my life is going to be?"
And that's my truth.
And I don't say it for "cool actor publicity" cause lets be honest I think a small handful of friends, family, and random internet sweet souls read my blogs... I say it because what if it connects to ONE person? AND I can get the creative life out? Jackpot.
Will I be poor and creatively tiny forever? Is this dream a reality or a delusion?
I don't know.
I just don't know.
