Monday, June 15, 2015

So silent it's LOUD.

Queen of Sound(ness).

I read or heard (cough* overheard) somewhere that everyone has a WORD which describes them. A "true north" (I LOVE that phrase) or epitome of their soul, core, being. Basically if you had 1 word to describe you, what would it be? **Seriously. Leave feedback. What's your word? I'd love to know.

I became FIXATED on knowing my word. Studied and googled and looked up hundreds of words.. and I found mine. Or it found me.

Sound(ness):

Queen of Soundness. (Duh. Of course I added 'Queen') So I did some digging. I'll keep it short and hit you with the main points (trust me it all adds up in the end).

"...Free from defect, disease; in good condition. Healthy, a sound heart & mind. No defect as to truth, justice, wisdom, or reason: Sound Advice..."

My world is chaotic. Always has been, and as I've made peace with, always will be. Lately though... I've been tossing and turning (not my style) with what every actor and (or) working HUMAN who dreams of something more... SOMETHING MORE (I am both) WHERE ARE MY DREAMS?! I work hard, take care of my body, am fearless -bold in my craft and pursuit of a creative AND business endeavors. A life. I even try dating in LA... ok. That is a stretch. I have gone on dates. And I think, "It is happening. BE BOLDER. KEEP REACHING." Whenever I want to quit a feeling-a voice-God-Guardian Angel QUIETLY SHOUTS-- DON'T GIVE UP. IT'S COMING. IT'S COMING. So I work. Work.
 
"...Competent, sensible, or valid: sound judgment."
 
Sometimes I don't know if my consistency, drive, and hard work is genuinely getting me somewhere (ala my dreams) or if I'm just...

"...following in a systematic pattern without any apparent defect in logic: sound reasoning."
 
The unknown. The vast unknown. I hate the unknown. It's starting to drive me crazy. I'm a "Plan" kind of a girl. I'm pretty flexible with details but I've big dreams and have been wondering lately where they are. You know, creative vitality, business woman, wife, mother, Cleveland heart.

"Financially strong, secure, or reliable: a sound business; sound investments."

Everything feels so much harder in LA. It's not a complaint. It's just the vibe. No one wants to connect...And those that do are so afraid of the rejection because of lifestyle out here, we don't really show each other our true "word."

"...of substantial or enduring character: sound moral values."

But what happens when that is all I want to do?

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